Stay Connected, Even on Hard Days.
When communication breaks down, it’s rarely about who said what.
It’s about how both people felt.
We need to feel seen, safe and supported.
That’s what this simple 3-step communication activity for couples is here for.
Rose, Thorn, Stem: A Communication Activity for Couples
It’s a quick daily check-in that helps couples:
- Share feelings without blame
- Naming needs with clarity
- Listening without defensiveness
- Practice emotional safety
- Stay in sync even when life is full
Think of it like tending to your relationship the way you would care for a plant.
🌹 The Rose is a sweet moment from your day. Something small or meaningful that felt good or brought a bit of beauty.
🌵 The Thorn is what felt off, sharp, or hard. A low point or a moment of tension, frustration, or disconnection.
🌿 The Stem is what supports you. A simple need, hope, or request for tomorrow. It can be a request to your partner or an intention for yourself.
Instead of reacting with accusations, you’re practicing how to share what you feel and what you need.
🌹 Rose: Something That Felt Good Today
The Rose is a moment that felt warm, beautiful, fun, peaceful, or meaningful. It doesn’t have to be big. The key is to pause and notice what felt good.
Try:
- I felt calm sitting outside this morning.
- I felt grateful when you checked in.
- I felt happy when we laughed about that thing with the kids.
- I felt peaceful when the house was finally quiet.
Even on tough days, there is usually something small that softened you. Start there.
🌵 Thorn: Something That Felt Hard
The Thorn is the low point or the part of the day that felt heavy or bad. This is not about blaming or pointing fingers. It’s about noticing your own experience.
Avoid using “you” in this part. Keep it about what you felt, not what someone did.
Try:
- I felt overwhelmed when I got home to a messy kitchen.
- I felt sad when we went to bed without talking.
- I felt confused after our conversation earlier.
- I felt stressed when I did not know where you were.
It’s okay if this part is uncomfortable at first. The goal isn’t getting it “right”. It’s honesty with kindness.
🌿 Stem: What Support You Need or Want
The Stem is what holds you up. What would help you feel supported or more grounded tomorrow? This could be something you need from your partner or something you want to give yourself.
Try:
- I’d love for us to have some time to just hang out tonight.
- I need to go to bed earlier so I can reset tomorrow.
- I’d like to go for a walk together after work.
- I need a quiet morning to clear my head.
You’re not making a demand. You’re naming a desire or a need. That clarity creates connection.
🎧 Add an Active Listening Practice: Summarize & Empathize
This isn’t just a sharing exercise. It’s a listening practice.
Take turns being the speaker and the listener.
The SPEAKER shares their Rose, Thorn, and Stem.
The LISTENER pauses, receives the message, and then summarizes and empathizes with what they heard.
Try saying:
- I hear that today felt really good when you had a moment to breathe.
- I can see how that conversation felt hard for you.
- I hear how much that small thing meant to you.
- I can see that you’re needing a little more space tomorrow.
You don’t need to agree. You just need to see your partner’s perspective. When each person feels heard, the whole relationship gets stronger.
✅ Build a daily rhythm of talking, listening, and feeling heard.
👉 [Download the free Rose, Thorn, Stem PDF here.]
(Perfect for 5-minute connection rituals before bed – no email required.)
💞 Try It Tonight: Overcome Communication Struggles
Choose a time that feels relaxed. After dinner. Before bed. Keep it simple. Keep it light.
Take turns:
- 🌹 Share one Rose: a moment that felt good
- 🌵 Share one Thorn: something that felt hard
- 🌿 Share one Stem: a small need, request, or intention for tomorrow
- 🎧 Your partner can summarize & empathize with what they heard
Then switch roles.
That’s it. No fixing. No debating. No pressure. Just presence, practice, and a few honest words.
🌱 Why It Works: Build Emotional Intimacy
This exercise creates space for:
- Keeps the emotional door open without requiring a “heavy talk”
- Builds pattern recognition (you start seeing what really matters to your partner)
- Makes space for vulnerability in safe doses
- Reconnecting without a huge or stressful conversation
- Grow closer through consistent communication skills practice
It helps you feel safe to speak and safe to listen. It helps you show up for each other. Grow… together.
🛠 Quick Tips for Good Communication
- Keep it short (5-15 minutes is enough)
- Avoid “you” language, especially in the thorn
- Let your partner’s words land before responding
- Don’t analyze… just receive
- Make it a daily ritual
- Have fun with it, and allow it to evolve
Rose, Thorn, Stem is a simple and powerful way to practice the communication skills from the blog “How to Talk To Your Partner About Emotions & Needs“.
This couples activity gives you a low-pressure, daily way to strengthen your listening muscles, especially the skills of Summarizing and Empathizing… so you can stay calm, connected, and clear in the moments that matter most.
keep connecting,
Debbie Cherry, LMFT
📅 Book an appointment for a consultation or a session.
Want more ways to communicate and connect better?
Grab the Connected Communication TOOLKIT— a free guide filled with tools, scripts, and practical tips to help you talk, listen, and grow together.
💬 Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Communication Activities
1. How do I get my partner to really hear me when I talk?
When one partner speaks and the other partner seems distracted or shuts down, it creates emotional distance. Many couples struggle with this, especially during moments of stress or conflict. One or both partners may feel misunderstood or unseen. This is where communication exercises, such as speaker-listener roles or active listening exercises, can help shift the pattern.
When the listening partner uses verbal cues, makes eye contact, and reflects back what the partner said before responding, both people feel safer. These exercises, often used by licensed marriage counselors, help create a safe space where each person can fully express their feelings. They also allow couples to solve problems with more compassion and less reactivity.
Even a small example like saying, “What I hear you saying is…” or “That makes sense,” can begin to build trust and improve communication. These tools benefit relationships by helping couples understand each other more deeply, even during everyday challenges like managing children or household chores.
2. Why won’t my partner listen when I talk, and how can we improve communication?
This is one of the most common relationship struggles. The speaking partner often feels ignored or dismissed, while the listening partner may be overwhelmed, defensive, or unsure how to respond. When emotions run high, both people can slip into old patterns that block understanding.
Effective communication depends on slowing down the conversation. Using active listening exercises, gratitude exercises, or structured check-ins allows each person to pause, listen, and reflect. A Marriage and Family Therapist may suggest starting with communication exercises that include uninterrupted listening and open ended questions.
When couples communicate from a calm, grounded place, they strengthen relationships and create better understanding. Try creating five minutes a day for safe, focused conversation where each partner speaks and the other partner truly listens. These small acts build connection over time.
3. How do I reconnect when my partner shuts down in conflict?
When your partner shuts down during conflict, it doesn’t always mean they don’t care. It may be a nervous system response to stress or past experiences. A couples therapist can help identify what’s underneath these reactions, but you can also begin with simple practices at home.
Relationship advice that focuses on emotional safety rather than fast solutions is often the most helpful. Use open ended questions, soft tone, and short communication exercises that invite your partner to speak when they feel ready. Instead of pushing for an answer, create a safe space by saying something like, “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Then follow through with uninterrupted listening. Couples therapy exercises can also help one or both partners name what they’re feeling and request what they need.
4. How can we overcome communication differences in our relationship?
You don’t need to have the same communication style to connect. In fact, many couples have different needs and rhythms when it comes to talking about emotions, solving problems, or staying present in hard moments. Some partners want to talk right away, while others need time and space. These differences are normal, especially among married couples managing work, children, and everyday stress.
The key is to practice. Use relationship communication exercises that allow each partner to share feelings without interruption. Communication exercises for couples are about learning how to act with care, listen without judgment, and engage more fully in each other’s emotional world.
5. Can couples communication activities really help us grow closer?
Yes, absolutely. One of the greatest benefits of communication activities is that they are simple and repeatable. They give you and your partner a way to fully express emotions, share needs, and understand each other without judgment. When couples make space for these daily rituals, they strengthen relationships in ways that last.
Activities like Rose, Thorn, Stem or other structured check-ins support active listening, shared meaning, and emotional trust. Whether you’re in private practice, attending couples therapy, or just looking for relationship advice you can use now, small consistent efforts help you engage with your partner and build a stronger foundation for your life together.
📚 Evidence-Based Resources on Communication & Connection for Couples
1. Imago Relationships International – What Is Imago Relationship Therapy?
This model centers on intentional dialogue, which helps couples move from reactivity to reflection. Partners learn to speak from their own experience, validate each other’s emotions, and build connection by staying present in “the space between.” Perfectly aligned with the Rose, Thorn, Stem activity, this method supports emotional attunement and healing through empathy.
2. Harvard Health – Emotional Intelligence and Relationships
This article explains how emotional intelligence, including self-awareness, empathy, and active listening – plays a crucial role in how couples communicate and handle conflict. It emphasizes that strong relationships aren’t conflict-free, but rooted in the ability to understand how your partner feels and respond with compassion.
3. Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT): A Comprehensive Guide to Relationship Healing
A well-written overview of PACT, which combines attachment theory, neuroscience, and arousal regulation. It explains how bodily states, verbal and non‑verbal cues, and regular interaction help couples cultivate secure‑functioning relationships. Practice speaking and listening daily to rewire your patterns to work for you… not against you.
